What do you mean cucumber?

It was a long way from SW12 to E10, but nothing can get from one side of London to the other quicker than a man on a motorbike with a mission.

The mission: unblock a toilet
The reward: £60+VAT
The risks: Sights that will haunt your dreams for eternity

The truth about clearing blocked toilets on a regular basis is that you soon become desensitised to the blood and guts of it all, just like Gil Grisham on CSI.....cool as a cucumber.

I was met at the front door by a very friendly cat, waiting to get back to the warmth of his window seat. I rang the bell and the door opened, the cat dashed in. I greeted the customer and he stepped aside to let me in.

As I walked past him he passed a comment that was music to my ears

"Its not a messy job"

"oh really?" I answered

"I know what has blocked it" he proclaimed, slightly ashamed.

I stopped, turned around to face him with my hands on my hips. Just like my mother used to do when she was about to scold me.

"What is it?" I asked

"I think you'll need to rod it!"

"What is it?"

"I flushed a cucumber"

My hands dropped to my sides as I raised an eyebrow and then a small chuckle came over me as I considered the possibility that he was speaking metaphorically.

We moved through the kitchen out the back door and into a courtyard. Immediately to the right of the kitchen door and just before the vegetable garden was the entrance to the toilet. I started to piece together what must have happened. I put down my tool bag, took off my jacket and put it on the floor. Like a surgeon I wiped my brow, snapped on my rubber gloves and dove in.

10-15 minutes later the toilet was cleared of all vegetables and flushing freely again. As a final demonstration of a job well done I dropped a handful of toilet paper down the bowl. We both gazed expectantly into the bowl as it swirled around and disappeared.

I filled out the invoice and he happily handed over his credit card.

I pulled the door closed behind myself and glanced back at the window, the cat raised his head from his paws to watch me go. I once again found myself chuckling, the customer probably took pride in the fact that he saved money by growing his own vegetables and one cucumber just cost him £70.50.